Choosing Love

This past week was full of joy and new beginnings. I started two new jobs, had my first spiritual direction session with Greg Jehanian (the bassist from mewithoutYou!), and began membership classes at my church. While I'm full of joy and gratitude, I find myself missing Nick more than ever.

A collage of photos from our first year dating.

I miss sharing my joy with him. He celebrated everything I did and supported me through all the challenges. I miss his commentary, insight, and humor. I even miss his snoring (only a little). I have so many people and communities to listen and support me (more than ever before!), but nothing can replace Nick and our unique relationship. We packed a lifetime into every day. I'm thankful we had such an intense relationship, but that makes his physical absence all the more painful.

Sundays are particularly difficult.

Today, at one of my saddest points after church, I read one of Nick's journal entries. The topic: what he admired about my character and values. It means so much to have this writing. It's like receiving a letter from him when I need it most. The content of this journal entry is reflected in my recent career shift and call to seminary. I won't share it all, but here is a bit of that entry that made me feel encouraged, loved, and empowered to continue our work.

Journal I embroidered for Nick.

Choosing Love

Nick Sollom, Feb. 2025

"...I feel we are kindred spirits. I respect Dom's desire to make people's lives better. He is innately oriented towards helping others become the best they can become.

He is deeply connected to Nature as a transcendentalist, farmer, butterfly whisperer, and absolute magnet for all things plants and animals. [...]

But what stands out the most is his genuine kindness, compassion, and love for others. He is a true leader and gentle guide for many, me included.

Being with him has led me to turn my life around in positive and healthy ways. He inspires me to be the best I can possibly be. I learn so much from him every day, but what always touches me are his choices to love throughout the day.

I am still looking for my people, but Dom is first among them."

One of my solo sunset walks since Nick's death.

Nick's words reminded me of my purpose and call to love. It also reminded me of his famous sermon closer:

Today,

I promise to love myself;

I promise to love others;

Because, when I do, I love God.

Love Prayer by Nick Sollom